Schnitzel und Bier sind für Sie gut. Schnitzels and beer are good for you, and no, we’re not taking questions.

Australia likes to pretend it’s Big Italy: pizza and pasta as our favourite food, cappuccino as our favourite drink, another glass of pinot grigio always somehow finding its way to the table.

But then you look at the menu board at any pub in the country and there it is, quietly revealing our mixed-marriage heritage: schnitzels and beer.

Speaking of beer

The Germans did perfect the beer part, they passed the Beer Purity Law back in 1516 in Bavaria, the ancestral home of the biergarten and Oktoberfest, and it’s still in effect today.

If you’re chasing the local craft version, Forster’s own Coastal Brewing Company has been brewing since 2017 with over 80 varieties to their name, several proudly German style, Diamond Beach Pilsner, Myall Marzen, Wallis Weizen.

Their regular haunt for a schnitty is Hallidays Point Tavern, which also pours their Palms Pale on tap, ideally with a schnauzer parked at your feet.

As for the schnitzel itself, the name comes straight from the German der Schnitz, a slice or a cut. And while elsewhere in the world it might be pork, veal or beef, in Australia it’s chicken, crumbed, fried and buried under a pile of chips and salad, non negotiable.

Most Barrington Coast pubs will let you top yours however you like: parmi, pepper, Diane, garlic, mushroom, gravy, pepperoni, even Hawaiian if you’re feeling controversial.

Meanwhile Forster’s Lakes and Ocean Hotel takes the challenge seriously… with a whole month dedicated to the crumbed culinary icon, serving three premium herb-crumbed schnitzels, all served with crispy shoestring fries: classic chicken schnitzel with chicken gravy; veal schnitzel with shaved parmesan and crispy fried sage; or pork cutlet schnitzel with apple, dill and fennel slaw.

This is indeed how to do schnitzel properly, simply pick your favourite or try all three before the month’s out.

But our big claim: the parmi remains undefeated as Number One Schnitty In The Universe, no argument.

Join the Parmi Army or don’t… your loss.

Schnitty night, by the day

Midweek specials are basically an Australian institution at this point, so here’s your week sorted, whichever night you’re free.

Monday — Coopernook Hotel, Old Bar Tavern.

Tuesday — Pacific Palms Recreation Club at Elizabeth Beach, Exchange Hotel in Taree, The Royal Hotel in Taree.

Wednesday — Harrington Hotel, Nabiac Hotel, Tea Gardens Hotel, Roundabout Inn Gloucester, Club Old Bar

Thursday — Hallidays Point Tavern at Black Head, Shoreline Tavern at Harrington, The Plough Inn at Bulahdelah

No fixed schnitty night, but still very much worth your custom – BillyT Cafe in Stroud, Blowfish Cafe in Old Bar, Cafe Giardino in Taree, Café Toscano in Forster, Avon Valley Inn in Gloucester and The Sicilian in Forster.

Your challenge, as ever: try them all and report back on which is am besten in Australien.

Where’s your favourite? Have we missed one?